Why It's Not Working for You | Letitia Williams

No one talks about the frustration you experience when you’ve followed the plan precisely, but somehow it doesn’t quite work out. You want so desperately for the thing you’ve set your heart on to succeed. There’s evidence of success everywhere you look, and that inspires you even more. Others have shown that an idea like yours can work, but whether yours can too remains to be seen. So naturally, you begin treading the path that feels safe by following the blueprints of those who have mastered your dreams.

Eagerly, you follow the advice of the gurus, because “success leaves clues”. In your desire to make things work, you may forget that not everything someone else does is meant for you to do too. So you do as they say. You do it their way. All the while, you may wonder why it feels harder for you than it seems to be for them. The missing ingredient may not be another strategy. Perhaps the gap is meant to be filled with something more natural.

Avoiding failure at all costs may come at the ultimate price: the loss of your authenticity, creativity and intuition. These are the very elements that make what you build uniquely your own. Otherwise, it becomes a copy of somebody else’s creation, never quite like the original. Building a house using someone else’s blueprints, simply because it’s also what you desire, doesn’t necessarily make it the right home for you. The best homes are those that reflect the people who live in them, with personal touches and spaces that function in the way they need them to.

It’s not wrong to learn from others. In fact, observational learning, a concept in psychology, describes how we learn by watching and modelling the behaviour of others. It is a natural part of human development, evident from infancy and continuing throughout our lives. However, as adults, we have greater agency in how we choose to learn and grow. We can be intentional about what we learn, who we learn it from and how we want to apply that learning to our lives.

I’ve been taught to believe that good leaders are people who say, “Do as I do.” They lead by example, demonstrating what’s possible. But I’ve come to learn that great leaders say, “Do as I do, but do it your way.” One of the best ways to approach anything is to learn from others. It can save us time and prevent us from repeating mistakes. But ultimately, we need to create in a way that feels like our own personal masterpiece.

I’ve learnt that my intuition, experience and who I am all contribute uniquely to what I create. When I allow myself to work from a place of authentic expression, I feel more at ease and less inclined to force an outcome that doesn’t feel right for me. There is a sense of freedom in accepting that others have led the way, but I can tread it my way. The possibilities suddenly feel much more expansive.

Anyone can build, but not every building is the same. That is part of what makes architecture so diverse and interesting. In much the same way, it’s possible to construct your dream in a way that feels right for you. So as you review the blueprint before you, perhaps begin with two simple questions:

What about this do I want to keep, and what needs to go because it’s simply not for me?

A GENTLE INVITATION:
If something in this piece resonated with you, perhaps it will speak to someone else, too. Feel free to share it with someone who might need these words.