When the Weight Becomes Too Heavy

All you know for sure is that something is wrong. That sensation, however strong, seems to have no clear direction or source. Its effects are mostly unseen, except, of course, in the evidence that you’re not really progressing as you had hoped. To make matters worse, you’re not feeling quite like yourself, at work or in life, without a solid reason why. When your desire to move forward is stifled by something you cannot quite put your finger on, it makes it that much harder to resolve. This lack of resolution perpetuates the feeling of uneasiness that results from being out of harmony with yourself.

It’s a weight that only gets heavier to carry when it’s ignored. Unlike a physical, easy-to-identify weight, this one is far less obvious to you and everyone else, and therefore less likely to prompt the help you may need without even having to ask. No, this is an emotional weight, an invisible one carefully hidden from others and, more fatally, from yourself. What psychology might describe as emotional exhaustion can feel much like this: you are depleted before the day has even begun. Even as you lay down your heavy head for a good night’s rest, the morning meets you with fatigue you didn’t even earn yet.

The heaviness gradually sneaks up on you, fuelled by your most well-intentioned ambition, the need to achieve, the joy of accomplishment and a deep desire not to disappoint yourself or others. A weight that comes from the best of places. It lives in the fact that you want to make the most of life and do your level best at all times. It is true that doing what you dislike can rapidly deplete you. But it is also true that your passions, which are meant to bring you pleasure, can breed pressure to perform and prove yourself. This is where perfectionism can quietly enter the picture, turning something we love into something we feel we must constantly do well.

What we love, we hold onto tightly. Perhaps that’s why you become quite comfortable carrying the weight of responsibility, duty, and expectation, without ever laying it down or reaching out for help. After carrying a heavy load for so long, the inevitable follows: exhaustion. At this heightened stage of depletion, the burden has become too heavy to bear, leaving you with no other option but to stop and drop it all at once.

At this point, the realisation is most obvious. You’ve been carrying way too much by yourself. And even if you wanted to continue, you simply can’t. You are spent in every way, with little to no energy, reduced capacity and no ability to move forward. This is the breaking point, and for many, it is where burnout becomes impossible to ignore. You are left with no other choice but to surrender at a time not marked on your calendar.

The thing about carrying something long enough by ourselves is that we begin to believe that only we can carry it. And with that belief come the whispers of fear about what might happen should we ever set it down. Every load is lighter when it is shared. It’s also easier to continue forward when you rest more regularly. The most empowering thing you can do is stop believing that it all depends on you. Truth be told, some loads were never meant for you to carry at all. And when you pay close attention, you may realise that even within the weight, wisdom awaits.

A healthier and more sustainable existence is possible, one that honours your desires and provides you with the support you need to lead without losing yourself.

It begins with something as simple as coming home to yourself and deepening your awareness. A call to respond as soon as you feel that all too familiar sense of heaviness. When you lead life with both body and mind, you are better able to listen and respond to your needs as they arise. Your body is constantly communicating. Before you are able to conceptualise what you are experiencing, your body may have already identified it. What you thought you didn’t know, your body may have known all along.

The revelation I had while navigating my own season of burnout is that I’m not unbreakable. I am also not inadequate. I’ve just been carrying too much for too long by myself. I’m learning that it’s safe to pause, set the load down and treat myself with compassion. Before extending my energy to anything else, I now find myself asking: What do I need to let go of first? And perhaps most importantly, I’m learning that just because I can, doesn’t mean I should.

So, if you were to listen carefully to what your mind, body and emotions are collectively communicating to you right now, what might they be telling you about your current load?

Perhaps the answer lies in this question: How might you lead yourself more lightly going forward?

A GENTLE INVITATION
If something in this piece resonated with you, perhaps it will speak to someone else, too. Feel free to share it with someone who might need these words.