Letitia Williams » Have You Outgrown Your Love Language?

I always thought my love language was Quality Time. It certainly felt that way at one point in my life. But over time, I changed—no surprise there. The real surprise was realising I had been holding onto an outdated version of myself, clinging to an identity that no longer fit. And in doing so, I may have been subconsciously feeling unfulfilled, not fully aligning with the needs and values I now hold.

Dr. Gary Chapman, the author who introduced the concept of the five love languages, identified these as:

• Quality Time

• Receiving Gifts

• Acts of Service

• Words of Affirmation

• Physical Touch

The first time I realised my love language had changed was after receiving an email from someone I had a complimentary coaching session with. It had been a year since we first met, and at the time, she hadn’t pursued coaching beyond that one session. But here’s the thing—even just that single session made a difference in her life. It helped her make bold career moves, leading her to reach out and share how much that conversation had meant to her.

As I read her words, I could feel the thought and care she put into them. She was intentional, taking the time to express how my work had impacted her life. Tears streamed down my face as I absorbed the melody of her words. My heart was full. It was a reminder that I am never working for nothing if I add value to someone’s life. But I would never have known—or felt—that if she hadn’t told me.

That’s when it hit me: my dominant love language is Words of Affirmation. And looking back, it makes perfect sense. It’s also how I naturally express love to others.

Why Knowing Your Love Language Matters

Understanding your love language is more than just an interesting personality insight—it can significantly improve your relationships, self-awareness, and emotional wellbeing. Here’s why it’s so important:

It helps you communicate your needs. When you know how you feel most loved, you can express that to the people in your life. Instead of hoping they “just know,” you can clearly communicate what fills your emotional cup.

It deepens your relationships. Recognising your partner’s, family members’, or friends’ love languages allows you to show love in a way that truly resonates with them. Love isn’t just about giving—it’s about giving in a way the other person can receive.

It enhances self-love and fulfilment. If you don’t know how you personally receive love, you may not be fully nurturing yourself in the ways you need. When you understand what makes you feel loved, you can be intentional about creating those moments for yourself.

It allows for growth and adaptation. As we evolve, so do our needs. Knowing your love language isn’t just about identifying it once—it’s about checking in with yourself as you grow and making adjustments to stay aligned with who you are today.

3 Ways to Discover Your Love Language

1. Pay attention to what truly lights you up.

What moments bring you to tears of joy? What makes your heart swell? What causes that deep sense of fulfilment?

2. Look at how you naturally express love.

What’s your instinctive way of showing you care? Do you prioritise quality time? Give thoughtful gifts? Offer words of encouragement? Perform acts of service? Or show love through physical touch?

3. Take the quiz!

There’s a love language quiz that can help you identify yours. Share it with your loved ones—especially your significant other—and see how you can better connect with one another. https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language

Your love language isn’t set in stone, and that’s okay. Embracing the way you give and receive love today can open the door to deeper, more fulfilling relationships—including the one you have with yourself.

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